Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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