I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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