We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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