i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
