So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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