he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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