Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
