Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
