I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
