yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
