dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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