the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
