giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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