We got so high we made milksteak
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
