im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
