I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
