Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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