My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
