I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
