Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want a musical about memes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
