matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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