That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
