Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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