I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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