The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
