Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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