If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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