this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
