I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
