So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
