perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
