dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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