her vagine was all disorganized.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
