In the future we'll all be gay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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