I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
