Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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