Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
