He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
