I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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