Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
