This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
