Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
