Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
