I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
