That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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