As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
