Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i've created a new STD.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
