you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
