is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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