dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
