Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
