Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
