you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize