My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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