I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
