did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
