I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
