I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
