when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
