lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
