Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
