69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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