Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize