Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
