White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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