Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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